This is part PART 2
Continued from Part 1: Curiosity may have killed the cat (cervical cancer surgery in 1970’s)
A part of me was disappointed that I woke up from the surgery,and not just because it hurt; all I could do was move my fingers at first and I was so thirsty I could barely think straight. Dying on the table would have been so easy, I could have just drifted off and not had to come back and deal with the drama, the struggle, the misery of my daily life back then.Part of me was glad I would nver have to worry about getting pregnant, that I could never accidentally bring another living being into this hell hole of a life. The twisted genes that lurked in my gene pool would never be spread by me. Part of me grieved too, but that part of me was buried deep, deep down under a mountain of fear and helplessness. To this day, I still don’t regret not being able to have children. I honestly would never ever want to bring a child into the world to live in such proverty and wasteland of emotional terror that was my life back when I was young.
I thank the powers that be every day that once my life was turned around decades later, that I was blessed with a loving husband and we became a family in October 1996 when our daughter Angelgirl was placed in our arms as we stood in a room full of other adoptive families half way around the world in China.
Today my life is filled with blessings, smiles and love. I am so very grateful for all the wonderful people who came in to my life and made it worth living. I will never forget that no matter how dark and desparate your life may seem, it is possible to recover and find peace, joy, and purpose.
Lady Rose
If you want to join in and\or learn more about the Blog Raw Movement (”we are only as weak as our deepest secrets”), head on over to Brahnamin’s blog Juggling Cats.
| 2.5 |
Feedburner
STUMBLE!
February 27th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
1 Sue wrote…
Well, thank goodness you were curious! I am glad you are a survivor. Isn’t it amazing what life throws at us? I like your blog and wish you success in all your endeavors.
March 2nd, 2008 at 5:34 am
2
Super Slimmer wrote…
Lady Rose, I can understand fully that part of you which grieved. In 2000 I was in the same position and had to face the sudden prospect of a full hysterectomy with cervical removal.
Unlike yourself at the time I had 2 girls whom I love dearly, but wonder at the world I have brought them into. I did not want anymore children, but waking up and facing the reality that I could not hit me hard. At the time I had followed a healthy eating plan from the January to the August and lost just over 7 stone and was beginning to feel normal (I started at over 25 stone). The depression I went into a few months after the operation left me reeling for years and every pound I had lost went back on, and more.
Nobody prepares you for the mixed emotions you will feel. I was grateful that I was going to have a life, the surgery went very well, physically I recovered well. Nobody told me or helped me cope with my mind. It took a long-time, counselling and mentoring before I realised what I had and began to see the good in my life and feel at peace. Getting there has helped with making my whole life healthier and happier.
It is inspiring that your life has subsequently been filled with blessings.
March 2nd, 2008 at 6:20 am
3
Lady Rose wrote…
Thank you both so much for stopping by and taking the time to comments. Your kindness and support are truly appreciated.