Bad day…really bad day…totally very bad day! Even the Incredilble Lady Rose can be totally nuts and dumb – so learn from my mistakes and don’t do this! I know I’ve learned my lesson.

Ok OK OK before you all say it — I know I know I know — it was dumb !!!! and I promise to never do it again (well at least I don’t plan on doing it again – though I have been known to do dumb stuff, but hopefully this time I learned my lesson).

But at least I learned something!

The day started with 1 cup of coffee with 1 scoop of protein whey isolate chocolate flavored powder. I wanted to see how I felt — in hopes that the powder would keep hunger down and I could then perhaps use shakes for a morning and lunch meal, as well keep my protein intake high without the fat and calories.

The coffee tasted good – I wasn’t that hungry to start with and felt about the same afterwards. Had to run some errands — quick xray of my foot, picked up a prescription renewal and took my daughter to breakfast (I had one bite of her pancake).

After we got home I sorted boxes most of the morning — this required physical excertion by caring heavy boxes from the garage to the tv room and boxes from the spare room upstairs to the computer room.

Lunch time — I had a diet soda and a few cherry tomatoes. I was going to have a second glass of the chocolate powder stuff, but it just didn’t sound appealing and I was feeling ok – just a little hungry.

Mid-afternoon – really getting hungry and very tired, but I felt ok and wanted to be “strong” and in force my “will power” — **beats chest** me superwoman I don’t need food. (In hind sight can we all say “delusional”.)

I took a break had a big glass of cold Crystal Light and felt like I could take on the world — right after a little nap — so I laid down for a little bit and had a nice bowl of air popped popcorn – the hunger was beginning to win but I was determined I was in control and the popcorn was an allowable item and within my calorie limits.

Later that afternoon — I decided to sort a few more boxes. After all I was on a roll, it was my day off I was going to accomplish my mission and sort, sort, sort. The sorting didn’t last long, but did manage 4 boxes.

Now some of you may say — what happened to the second protein drink, didn’t she say she would have another one. Well in my ego maniac state of invincibility I had decided that I would have the second protein drink at bed time IF I had the calories left over from dinner — since I worked so hard sorting, I had decided I deserved a nice, tasty dinner and wanted to use all my remaining calores for dinner.

***ding ding*** Dinner Bell rings — its about 6ish. Hubby has taken my daughter out for ice cream when he got home about 4ish so they are not that hungry. I am starving, over the top in need of FOOD NOW — that’s ok I have a plan, a yummy, tasty wonderful warm comfy plan — I am going to have three of my lovely grilled cheese sandwiches (140 calories each) with thinly sliced tomato. I will be happy and full and life will glorious.

I get the diet rye bread ready, I spray the pan, I unwrap the nofat cheese slices, I lovingly, ever so thinly slice the tomatoes and put the tasty morsels in the pan to start cooking — un oh !!!! what’s this ????? OH my a tiny bit of mold — fine no problem just pinch it off — ummmm another spot? I inspect the pan — my heart sinks — I check the bread package — oh no its all moldy — I yell out “how can this happen the bread just came out of the freezer!!” Hubby says, “I don’t know it may have been moldy when I put it in the freezer.”

Luckily we have a 10 year old daughter, and fortunately for her I can control my temper — or hubby would have gotten a hot frying pan tossed at him. At this point my hands are shaking from lack of food, I’m feeling dizzy, and emotionally I am more then a little crazed. I quickly gobble up the rest of the sliced tomato and toss everything else in the trash and go back to laying down in bed.

Deep breaths — if I just lay here and breathe and don’t move the hunger will go away — right?? wrong! My daughter comes in with some suggestions for dinner — she is so sweet and wants to help — I said gently thank you honey but mommy just needs to rest for now, please don’t offer me any options right now.

The thought of food just made me want to rage at this point. A few minutes later hubby comes in — “why are you telling Lian she can’t offer you food” — that did it, I was crying and blubbering all over — at same time trying to apologize and explain — look my blood sugar has dropped through the floor, I’m a wreck ok, I’m starved, I’m trying to not eat any of the bad food out there and there is nothing for me to have that is on my allowed food list.

Now part of me wanted him to hug me, or offer to run to Subway to get me a sandwich (I didn’t trust my self to drive I was to dizzy). But he just walked way. I wanted to scream — but hubby really doesn’t understand me when I get this way and behaving overly emotional (sorta of like a lunatic), so he copes by staying out of my way — and I can’t blame him for that — I can be rough to be around in this kind of state.

Eventually I got the energy to get up and go to the kitchen. I had to eat, at this point I knew it didn’t matter I was physcially in crisis — I had the shakes and sweating. So I heated up three chicken breasts (130 each) in the microwave — they took forever. I had to keep redoing them over and over and they just wouldn’t heat up — it was like some giant cosmic joke and I wanted to scream over and over — but I just kept pushing the buttons 2 minutes, 2 minutes more, 2 more… finally DING!!!! thawed and edible (though not really hot).

I ate them — slowly well at least not all in one bite. I was still totally hungry and starving — but the shaking and sweats stopped. About an hour later I had a frozen small container of nonfat yogart – 40 calories — it didn’t do anything to stop the hunger, but was a little bit comforting being cold and smooth and long lasting.

I managed to keep the total calories for the day just under 900. By the time I fell asleep I was feeling ok, still hungry but it was bearable.

When I got up this morning (very hungry – which normally I’m not at all hungry in the morning) I was determined to find out more about hunger and its causes. I ordered five books from amazon.com (recipes for low glycemic foods – that satisfy hunger longer, cleansing the liver, and insulin resistence). I have a fatty liver — which also contributes to hunger, so anything that can help the liver will hopefully help improve over health. I am fairly sure I am insulin resistant – I have all the symptoms. From everything I have read low glycemic foods help with both conditions as well as heart problems and blood pressure (which I have also).

Basically yesterday I let my blood sugar get to low, and now its way out of whack and my body is now in super defense mode demanding food. If I listen to what my bodies actaully wants and is satisfied by (like a bag of green beans for 130 calories – which turns out to be a very low glycemic food) — I am full and eating healthy. So by trying to eat healthy and get more protein I didn’t pay attention to other things. Added to that, I really need to make sure I have the foods I need in the kitchen – I can not put off shopping — I need to have backup healthy comfy filling foods around just in case.

So today — I’m going to take it easy, go to the store for lots of veggies, and hopefully this deep hole of hunger will eventually go away. I will not be skipping any meals, and I won’t be doing any heavy lifting.

Lesson learned!

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Currently Diet Pulpit is rarely updated. Lady Rose is now blogging at Blissful Moon, where she is staying healthy and continuing to have adventures, please stop by and visit.

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